Finding purpose and meaning in life
The search for meaning in life is nothing new. Finding clarity in the purpose and meaningfulness of life is something that has kept philosophers, psychologists, and mystics busy since ancient times.
The paradox is that, despite living in an age of greater material well-being, more access to information, and more options than ever before, this question of the meaning of life is at the top of the list of social ills today. Many people confess to feeling empty, unmotivated, or emotionally disconnected. How can it be that, having so much, we lack something so essential?
The mystery of human existence lies not only in staying alive,
but in finding something to live for. Fyodor Dostoyevsky
From survival to the meaning of transcendence.
This phenomenon is not accidental. In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed a theory that is still valid today: the pyramid of human needs. At its base, we find the most basic needs: breathing, eating, having a roof over our heads, resting. These are followed by safety needs (health, economic stability), then social needs (emotional bonds, belonging), higher up recognition (self-esteem, achievement) and at the top, self-actualization, understood as the full development of human potential.
Decades later, Maslow added another step: transcendence,
that need to go beyond oneself, to contribute, to leave a mark.
While we are busy trying to survive, we do not ask ourselves existential questions. But when those lower layers are covered, a void emerges that is difficult to ignore: the desire to find a purpose in life, a profound reason that gives meaning to what we do and who we are.
When what you were taught “you should do” is not enough.
In my practice as a therapist and coach, I see more and more people who come with the same common thread: they have achieved “everything they were told to”—education, career, family, stability—and yet they do not feel fulfilled. Perhaps because I myself went through that same life crisis a few years ago, today many people arrive to my practice with a longing to find clarity.
Maria is one of them. Degreed chemist, she manages the stock of raw materials at a multinational pharmaceutical company. She is 42 years old, has two children, a stable marriage, and an impeccable professional career. From the outside, her life is an example of success. But inside, Maria feels disconnected, unmotivated, and empty. “Why do I feel this way, as if something was missing? What have I done wrong, or what else do I need to do?” she asked to me in her first session.
What María was missing—like many other people—was not something else to do, but something deeper: connecting with her true purpose. That internal compass that is not based on social expectations, but on what really gives meaning to her existence.
But why do we lose our purpose and meaning in life?
Losing touch with our life purpose does not happen by chance. In fact, it usually has very deep roots that originate in childhood or early adulthood and shape the way we construct ourselves and relate to the world.
From my personal experience and as a professional accompanying people in this process, I observe that there are two main reasons why we reach adulthood feeling lost, disconnected, or empty, even if our life “works” externally.
- Living to please external expectations
The first occurs when, as children, we have grown up in seemingly functional environments, where everything was “fine”: a childhood without major upsets, with education, love, and opportunities. But often, in those “golden” childhoods, what we learned was to reproduce an external model: to imitate mom or dad, to follow what they told us was right, successful, and safe.
We learned to please, to perform, to fit in. And although that gave us valuable tools to navigate the world, it also distanced us from something essential: the freedom to discover who we really are, beyond what was expected of us.
- Living in emotional survival mode
The second reason is much harder and often more invisible. There are people who did not even have the privilege of asking themselves who they were, because the priority was to survive. Dysfunctional families, violence, emotional absence, childhood trauma… In these contexts, the child’s inner development is interrupted.
When growing up means adapting to chaos, protecting oneself, silencing pain, or taking on responsibilities that do not belong to them, there is no room to feel or to stop. Feeling, in many cases, was dangerous. Stopping was a luxury. And so one learns to live from doing, from control, from resistance.
Both experiences, although very different, share one consequence: existential confusion in adulthood. That moment when we realize that we have built a life—even a successful one—but where we do not feel happy or fulfilled.
Two paths to reconnect with your purpose
Depending on your life experience, the path to reconnecting with your purpose will have different nuances. There is no single valid way, nor is there a magic formula. But there are practices that can help you reconnect with your center, listen to yourself from a new place, and build your life from the inside out.
- If your life has been guided by external expectations
If you feel that your life has been functional, stable, and without major traumas, but built on adaptation, here are some keys to start reconnecting with yourself:
- Listen to yourself in silence Spend time without stimuli or distractions. Often, external noise prevents us from hearing our true needs.
- Write down your questions Don’t look for quick answers. Write down what you feel, what worries you, what you want. Clarity comes when we start listening to ourselves.
- Remember what made you vibrate Think about moments in your life when you felt truly alive. What were you doing? How were you? There are often valuable clues there.
- Identify what drains you and what fills you up Which activities give you energy and which take it away? Observe how your body and mood respond in each situation.
- Allow yourself to question everything It’s okay not to have answers. Sometimes, in order to find yourself, you first need to let go. Purpose is not “decided,” it is discovered.
- If you have lived in emotional survival mode
If your history is marked by trauma, instability, or emotional pain, the process is different. Before talking about purpose, it is often necessary to repair and rebuild the most basic things: inner security, confidence, the ability to feel without fear. Here are some deeper and more compassionate keys:
- Rebuild security from the body Before asking yourself where to go, take care of the ground you walk on. Somatic practices, conscious breathing, or connecting with nature are essential.
- Honor the version of yourself that survived Stop demanding that you have done things differently. Recognize with love that you did the best you could with what you had.
- Seek professional support or connection Sometimes we can’t do it alone. Therapy, humanistic coaching, or group spaces can be the first safe place in a long time.
- Work with your blocked emotional body Frozen emotions need space to express themselves. Writing, art, movement, or voice are ways to give them space.
- Respect your timing and your pace The purpose is not a goal, it is a direction that is gently revealed. You don’t need to know everything right now. You are on the path.
You are not alone: I accompany these types of processes. If you recognize yourself in these lines, if you are at that point where you feel that your life is “working” but something inside you is asking for more, perhaps it is time to truly listen to yourself.
I accompany people who, like you, are seeking to reconnect with their purpose, navigate personal or professional changes from a more aligned place, and build a life with more meaning and authenticity.
Are you ready to take that first step? Write to me and we’ll schedule a first session. Together we can explore what your life wants to tell you… and where it is inviting you to go.
